Once
again I am making contact with the outside world.
Is
this wise? Who knows… I guess I’ll find out.
But
I have to overcome this creative impasse and a part of that is to start
communicating again – even if it is uninteresting or what I consider to be
below par I must forge on regardless.
I
wonder why I have taken on this formal tone and way of speaking. Perhaps it is
the influence of Lemony Snicket.
Aha!
Trap number one closes above my head – and I have fallen into it ON THE VERY
FIRST PAGE!!! The desperate referencing of those that I admire in an attempt to
legitimise myself.
Have
you swallowed a dictionary? Was it bon mots cereal for breakfast?
I
will ignore your interruptions; it is all coming out now, good or bad – life
changing or positively mediocre. I just desperately hope that out of the reams
of mediocre content that I am sure to generate, there will be one gem that
transcends existence, mine specifically, and has an impact on others.
You
can hope, you can dream…
Yes,
I can – who told you that you were even invited to this page? Go to sleep and
leave me alone!!!
Right,
onward. If you have never met me before well hello and I hope that you find my
company and creations in some way entertaining. If you have met me hello again
and I hope that you enjoy this part of the journey, which will probably
re-visit other parts which you may already know because I am trying to make
sense of it all. To throw something into that endless pointless existence of
nothingness before it is too late and all is turned to dust.
So,
you find me bleak? Dark perhaps, uncomfortable? Welll get used to it. I have
had to!
So a
little background on where I am – I am trying to restart my creativity, to
reignite the fire – after life’s events and my own disappointments have
severely blindsided me and pushed me off a virtual cliff edge.
I
went 8 months without writing a single piece of music – and for someone who is
a musician and a songwriter and a composer – or who at least says that they are
– this was a disaster.
This
disaster was brought about by my total disappointment after the complete lack
of impact of my first album. Just complete and utter deafening silence followed
its release. And I made things worse for myself with my lack of ability to
collaborate with others and the fact that I got totally stumped with this media
branding business. I just could not work out how I was going to unite all the
disparate parts of my life and personality into one brand that was cohesive.
Well rubbish to that. I don’t care anymore. In fact I intend to do the exact
opposite and in the process explore identity itself – a subject that I have long
been fascinated by.
Ha!
Such lofty ideals! Can’t wait to see you fall flat on your pretentious face!
I
thought I told you TO GO TO SLEEP. I AM WRITING. AND, UNTIL YOU INTERRUPTED, I
WAS IN FLOW, THOUGHT DIRECT TO PAGE.
Also,
my extreme difficulty in promoting myself and the ugly feeling I get when I
have to do the me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me me
me me me me me me me me (You get the idea) thing.
This
is me holding a hairdryer
This
is me looking at you
This
is me looking at me, imagining that I am looking at you
This
is something about me, in case you forget about me, in the moment between now
and the next moment before I pop my face up again in your face etc.
Don’t
get me wrong, I admire those that can do it greatly. I look longingly at their
accounts full of beautiful content and then back to my own paltry offerings.
But,
just like everything else in my life, I’ll have to do it my way.
(FYI
background music at this point – Sid Vicious singing My Way)
Enough!
My creativity has also been greatly impacted by the life events of those I
love. I can’t say more than that but needless to say that watching them suffer
and be destroyed has not made me feel joyous and hopeful. It has made me feel
empty and depressed. But I cannot use this as an excuse any more. I MUST MOVE
FORWARDS.
LET’S
DO IT!
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